Friday, October 4, 2013

Drawing Mermaids

So often what I create is because the ones I love are my inspiration.  In the case of drawing mermaids, it was my little love Emma that inspired me to draw for her.  So far the mermaids are in super rough stage.  I need to add so much detail and of course some of Emma's favorite aquatic life.  Each mermaid will have at least one friend to play with in each drawing.  Emma loves the water, swimming and the ocean most of all.  She loves stories about Jacques Cousteau and marine life.  I was not at all surprised when she asked if I could take down her butterflies in Paris and redecorate her room in the magic that is the ocean and toss in some mermaids.  So I've started sketching.

 These drawing have been a source of of fun and disappointment for me.  What started out as something I could create that was magical and enjoyable for Emma's room hit a giant wall for me.  This same wall I have been fighting for over a year.  That giant wall in front of me has graffiti in big black ugly letters "why create, no one wants it"  under that in some horrid neon it says "your just a stay at home mom with no life" 

So when I was at Emma's tennis practice the other day and a friend mentioned that they saw on instagram the drawings Emma did of mermaids, I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach.

Do I draw like a 6 year old.  Is my art no better than what a small child could do? 

No, I haven't let this go.  No, I don't want to stop drawing.

But how do you move past how little others think of what you do and see any meaning in continuing.

 Donald, who is always my champion in such situations has been through his own battles with trying to do the right thing with his work, so he had a hard time trying to get me to ignore the comment.  His response was "If you stop drawing because of this one comment then you need to go find a job" 

Going to find a job, even in this economic climate, seems like such an easier path.  I might earn the respect of my girlfriends who all have "professional jobs" and I won't have people crushing my heart with their criticism of what I love.  I won't even have to be responsible for my kids, as I can blame the day care and school for any downfalls they may have.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.  I want to finish the mermaids but maybe I should leave that up to real artist and just buy some art for Emma's room.  

There's a part of me that wants to prove to all those that just laugh behind my back and even straight at me that I will make these mermaids so wonderful they won't be able to say anything.

Donald has always said that he loves my tough determination........

So we shall see what comes to pass

For now Emma's got a mermaid in a note I wrote to her.